Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
