Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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