why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
