apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
