Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize