A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
