We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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