Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
