I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize