I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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