I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
