Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
