I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
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dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
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How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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