Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
