We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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