I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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