I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
