Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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