I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
