i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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