White coat. Heels.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
