It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
