i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
