it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
