the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
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well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
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Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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