I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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