I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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