Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
