i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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