Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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