like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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