im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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