the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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