Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
