Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
