Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
