batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
