I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
