i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
