the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
