don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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