; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
