She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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