at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
