I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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