Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
