I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
