have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
