If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
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I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
It was like giving head to a cactus.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
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In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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