I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
