Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
