after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
