i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
