Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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