We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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