i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I just forgot I was standing up.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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