Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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