I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
