Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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