Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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