I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I color on your dick again?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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