Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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