dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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