you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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