Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I stole a fireplace last night.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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