i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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