peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Shame - the story of my life.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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