Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
