Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
