Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Terrible idea I love it
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
