So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize