That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
