I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
