Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
