my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
You work out of a Hotel?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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