I want to make a zoo with you.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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