i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
