he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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