Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
